Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
