Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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