mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
where are you?
Hypothermia
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
