drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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