my sisters under your porch take her home
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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