she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
