That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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