if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
