it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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