in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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