Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
