Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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