420 ftw
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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