the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
