dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize