Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
