OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
