We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
