She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
