Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
