I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
