I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
