dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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