I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I enjoy the company of your penis
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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