Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
