If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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