the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
