I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The best revenge is premature balding
pop tarts are not kleenex
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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