Pants 0. Shit 1.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
