it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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