Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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