I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
where are my eyebrows?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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