You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
