That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
