i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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