Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
