So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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