I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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