I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
There are leaves in my underwear?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
