We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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