it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
