I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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