My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
