shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Congratulations! We have a period
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
