I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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