PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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