Don't make out with my wife yet
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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