i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
