He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just blew my weed a kiss
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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