Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
