Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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