you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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