How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
