I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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