Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
BRING THE BAGELS
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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