dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
zippers are such a cool invention
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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