You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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