Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
