I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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