i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
