AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
