did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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