my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We have started to decorate penises.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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