There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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