And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
