My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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