I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
