Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Barsexuality is the new black.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
