i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
