Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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