The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
