i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
