you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
