what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
