He disabled his match.com account in front of me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
