I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
