you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
