Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
